5 Things a Two Year Relationship Has Taught Me

This Saturday, I will celebrate two years with my girlfriend Bri. While this stretch of time is not by any means long, to me it holds great meaning and has taught me several important lessons about life and others. Below I’ll share 5 things I have learned.

1: Establish a Purpose First.

So many relationships end up having issues down the road due to lack of purpose. One person thinks one thing, their significant other has different ideas. When Bri and I started our relationship, we were clear about our intentions. We stated that we were seeking to find out if each other was worth pursuing for marriage. By no means did we say we were planning on marriage, but we differentiated ourselves from others our age by stating that we were not just looking to “have fun,” but instead seek after someone who we could someday marry. If you have a purpose for your relationship, you will avoid some possible pitfalls down the road. One other thing having a purpose does for your relationship;

it helps you to determine where you are. Using the most shallow example: if your purpose was to have fun, and you’re not having fun anymore, your relationship is probably at its end. If however, your goal was to find out if someone was worth pursuing further, after a time you may realize that they are, or aren’t the person you were seeking after.

2: Foundation Shapes Your Relationship.

What you build your relationship upon will shape it. Wether you recognize it or not, every relationship has a foundation. This does not necessarily mean one thing, but rather a combination of factors that shape the course of your relationship. For instance, If your relationship is built upon “having fun while it lasts” you’re likely to have fun for a short time, but the very core of your relationship is built on it eventually coming to an end. By comparison, if like us, you are followers of Christ, then there is already many ideas about what a relationship should look like (Mostly in the form of boundaries) that get added into the picture. Common things others build
relationships upon are things like; love, economics, popularity, stability, childbearing, fun, sex, jealousy, drama, religion, politics, and countless others. Each one carries certain connotations about a relationship.

3: Communication is Key.

Communication, Communication, Communication. Basically everything I’ve mentioned so far (and will mention) is dependent on communication. I cannot stress how important a lesson this has been for me. No matter what phase of a relationship you are in, communication defines how you think about, and act towards your significant other. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows that no two people are the same, and if you want your relationship to be successful and fulfilling, it is necessary to make sure you are on the same page. Talk through issues, talk through ideas, talk through life.

4: Think About Why You’re Doing Something. (Or Not Doing Something)

Actions have power. When I’m contemplating where I am in my relationship, I have found it helpful to ask why. Maybe its a social norm, or closer to my relationship with Bri, maybe its the boundaries you set. When we started our relationship, we did not just adopt everything Christians or society say about relationships. We asked why. We looked for the reasons people say the things they do, and we talked about where we stood in regards to those ideas. There are many things that would be “normal” for people our age to do by society’s standards, but when we looked at those things in relation to our faith, we decided that the majority of them did not fit the model God has provided us. If this was any other decision in life (business, finance, etc) it would be obvious to think through what you are doing, but for some reason when it comes to matters of the heart, people underestimate the power that actions have. Thinking through your steps provides clarity, understanding, and less problems down the road.

5: Relationships are never Passive.

Relationships are constantly changing. This surprised me at first, as I always thought of a relationship as more of a solid thing, without all of the drama and problems portrayed on TV. While you may be able to avoid those kinds of issues, a relationship will always be changing. Most times its a slow change, and at other times I’ve noticed it more abruptly. This is not necessarily a positive or negative thing, but it does boil down to one point. A relationship takes work. It is rare that there will be at time when you are not working on some aspect of your relationship, wether it be big or small. This can be stressful at times, but for me at least, it has been incredibly rewarding.
There are many more things that I have learned during this time, but these are some of the key things that came to mind. The experiences of the past two years have changed much of who I am, as well as much of how I think about life, others, and faith. Thanks to Bri for the effort and commitment she has blessed me with. She has been an incredible friend and companion to me during the past few years, and I pray that God continues to bless our relationship as we seek after Him.

10 Evangelism Tips for the Common Christian- Part 2

This is a continuation of my previous post, found here.

As Easter weekend is almost upon us, I felt it would be appropriate to share some tips that have helped me when it comes to the topic of evangelism. I am neither the most experienced person nor the most insightful, but what I do know and have experienced I have taken to heart. It’s my hope that during these next couple weeks followers of Christ will be looking for opportunities to tell others about their faith. Hopefully this post gives you some ideas or starting points from which to do so.

6-Lead By Example.                                                                                                                   In any capacity of life, how you act will determine how others value your words. If you say one thing and do another, they will not value what you have to say, however, if you lead by example, they will hold your words in high esteem. Practice what you preach. Be genuine, honest, and open around those with which you want to share the gospel.

7-Love.                                                                                                                                   Do not discount this aspect of Evangelism. This is the glue that holds your message together, and without it, you would have nothing to say. Love others as God loves us. Sometimes people just need to be loved. Allow God to convict them of their wrongdoing, and show them what a life lived with God’s love looks like.

8-Know The “Romans Road.”                                                                                             The “Romans Road” is just a collection of verses designed to help guide your conversation and present the basic truths of the bible. These can be a valuable tool in any spiritual conversation, and can also be used to lead someone to repentance. It’s a good idea to write the verses down, or memorize them. The verses and their topics are as follows:

Romans 3:10- None of us is righteous, or right with God.

Romans 5:12- All of are born guilty of sin.

Romans 5:8- While we were sinners, Christ died for us. God loves us.

Romans 10:13- Everyone who calls on the Lord will be saved.

Romans 10:9-10- If you confess and believe that “Jesus is Lord” you will be saved.

John 14:6- Jesus is the only way.

9-Each Person Is Different.                                                                                                 Each person you Evangelize to is going to come from a background. They will have a different perspective on life and faith. A good example of this is my father. When he was 20, someone presented the gospel to him. The man who told him about Christ didn’t skirt around the issues, he said it like it was, and didn’t back down. He presented the facts in an honest and hard-hitting way. Now, for some people this would do more harm than good, but for my father, it was just what he needed. He accepted Christ as Lord that night. Each person is different, and if you are attentive to how God is leading you, He will help you to understand the best way to present your faith in any given situation.

10-Don’t Be Discouraged.                                                                                                         This is probably one of the most important aspects of Evangelism. Just because someone does not accept Christ when you share your faith with them does not mean you have failed in any way. Not only have you stepped out in faith, and followed God’s calling, you have also introduced them to the topic. On average, it takes 7 deep conversations about Christ before someone will come to faith. Maybe yours was the fifth, maybe the first, either way, there is one thing to always keep in mind in evangelism and every aspect of Christian faith. That is God is working where you cannot. No matter how the gospel is presented, no matter how many times someone hears about Christ or how they react to you sharing the gospel, God is actively pursuing those He has called. He is working in their hearts and in their lives in order that they might know His unfathomable love.

I hope that you have found this post and the previous one useful, and I hope that God is already helping you to understand how you may better serve Him in the coming weeks.

10 Evangelism Tips for the Common Christian- Part 1

With Easter right around the corner, I felt that it would be appropriate to share some tips that have helped me when it comes to the topic of evangelism. I am neither the most experienced person nor the most insightful, but what I do know and have experienced I have taken to heart. It’s my hope that during these next couple weeks followers of Christ will be looking for opportunities to tell others about their faith. Hopefully this post gives you some ideas or starting points from which to do so.

1-Share your story.                                                                                                                 Not only is this the best way to bridge the awkward gap into telling someone about Christ, but this can also be extremely powerful. Personally, I have found that people relate to this, as they can identify ways in which your story is similar to their own. When sharing your story, there are some things to keep in mind. First, don’t be concerned if your story isn’t as dramatic as others you have heard. Just because you do not have a shocking story does not mean that the main point of your story is not as moving or as significant. Your story is your story. You have been saved by the blood of Christ, and given a new life through Him. Second, keep in mind these three main aspects: Where you came from, how Christ changed your life, and who you are as a result. Keeping these in mind will help guide your story and allow you to transition into a more significant conversation.

2-Listen For God’s Call On Your Heart.                                                                             God is actively working in your life in order to help you grow and in order that you may lead others to him. He will speak to your heart and lead you if you are listening for His guidance. When he calls you, you will know it, it’s only a matter of recognizing it. 

3-Don’t Wait For The “Perfect Moment.”                                                                      When you feel God pulling on your heart to act, do so. Do not argue with yourself, or try to rationalize why this feeling is occurring. Just do it. There has been many an occasion where I felt this and stood there asking myself if this feeling was really from God, or telling myself why following this call would be embarrassing to myself or annoying to others. I have missed opportunities to tell others about my faith because of my fear. However, each time I have followed what God is calling me to do, I have never regretted it. In fact, I have always received a sense of purpose and fulfillment that I have never been able to attain in any other aspect of my life. When God calls, do what he is asking, you will not regret it.

4-Use The Situation At Hand.                                                                                                  Don’t think that you have to be in a foreign country or helping the poor to evangelize. God has placed you where you are in life for a reason. The people you meet, your coworkers, your family, have all been placed into your life for a very specific purpose as a part of God’s plan. Whatever you do, don’t think that because of who you are, that God cannot use you. God will give you the tools necessary to complete what He is asking you to do, and He will not give you anything you cannot handle. Of course, this is not to say you won’t think you can’t handle it. You probably will, but provided you have faith in God, in His ability, and not your own, you will succeed.

5-Don’t Use Too Much Salt.                                                                                                  I heard this analogy from a pastor recently, He said that when you eat you might put some salt on your food, because a little salt makes you want more. But if you put too much on it, the food is too salty! It is inedible. In the same way, when you present the gospel, present it in a way that allows the listener to want more. Don’t present it in a way that causes the listener to think it is inedible.

I hope that these tips have given you some ideas about how God may be seeking to use you in the coming weeks. I will be posting the second half next Monday.

Perspective

Have you ever looked at someone and realized you were seeing them differently? Have you ever seen a situation through a different lens? Each of us comes from somewhere, and our experiences and thoughts give each of us a unique outlook on life. We refer to this as perspective.

Many times perspective is an unconscious thing, we do not realize that what we are seeing is being portrayed differently for each person looking at it. Imagine a group of artists sitting in the same park all looking at the same scene. If you asked these artists to draw what they what they saw, I venture to say not one picture would be the same as the others. Each artists would look at the scene and see different highlights, each would paint using their own style based upon their years of experience. Some may not even accurately portray the scene in front of them because they were focusing on one particular detail above the rest.

While each of us may take perspective for granted, it is in actuality one of our most defining characteristics. Each of us sees the world through a different lens, based on our experiences. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, allowing us to be unique, it could have negative connotations if expressed in the wrong ways. Our perspective not only shapes what we see, it also shapes our actions, and this is what can get us into trouble. Each of us will see a certain situation differently because of our perspective, but we will also act on what we see. Unfortunately, our perspectives are flawed! What we see is not always what is happening. For example, if you looked at the pictures painted by the artists in the previous analogy, you might see one accurate part of the bigger picture, but unless you actually saw the scene in the park, there is no way you could accurately understand what is going on. Not only would you have to see this scene, you would have to sit down and dissect it in order to fully understand every little piece of it. Obviously we cannot do this on a regular basis, but we can train ourselves to see things through a different perspective that will help us to better understand what is really going on.

As Christians, we are called to see things through God’s perspective. I mentioned before that we do not have the time or energy to accurately dissect and understand any given situation. However, God, being all-knowing, sees the scene for what it really is. Not only does he know the big picture, he knows every detail of every part of the scene. Lets take a moment to understand what that means. Not only can God see the physical scene, the movement, trees, wind, etc., He also sees the thoughts of each person, He knows every aspect of each of their lives, He knows their perspectives, how they got them, how they will use them, who they are, who they were, who they will become. I literally could write an entire lifetime and not be able to accurately portray or understand what God can see in any given moment. This in mind, it seems pretty arrogant for me to assume that my perspective is the correct one.

So where do we go from here? How can we see things through God’s perspective? Honestly, there is no way for our small human minds to accurately know or comprehend what God sees, but what we can do ask that God give us insight on a situation. I’m not saying that suddenly the clouds will open up, light will shine down and you will fully understand. What I’m saying is that many times God will give me insight on one particular piece of the puzzle of a situation. I will realize that a person is hurting, or is having a rough day, I will through no effort of my own come to understand the situation just a little bit more because God allows me to see the situation through different eyes than my own. When people attempt to do this on their own sometimes they call it “stepping into someone else’s  shoes” but when you ask God to give you a different perspective, He will reveal things to you that there is no possible way you could know on your own.

Not only does this allow you to grow personally, but it can impact your actions. Once you see a small detail through God’s perspective, you will begin to better understand the bigger picture, or the problem, and ultimately the solution or action required. I challenge you, spend time in God’s Word, and ask Him to help you see things through His perspective. Next time you are faced with a situation that you do not understand, ask Him for insight, then, allow His perspective to shape your course of action.

 

Legacy

What will you leave behind? This basic question is one that pushes each one of us from the moment we’re born till the moment we die. No matter our day, no matter our task, this question serves as a constant reminder that we are not eternal. It is this question that drives leaders, groups, and nations.

Each of us asks this question of ourselves. Who will remember us, who will miss us, who will admire us, or our work, once we’re gone? Its a scary question if we’re honest with ourselves, but it is one worth asking. In fact, it should be the one question that we ask ourselves each day. If we are focusing on this question then I believe we will be less likely to spend our time on meaningless pursuits. Focusing on the fact that life is short will allow us to spend our time here doing things worth remembering. This does not mean however that taking time to rest is wasting our lives, without that we would wear ourselves out. Rest so that you can work hard, not the other way around.

More important than what we leave behind is what we bring with us. Obviously the nice car, the big house, and your savings account are not going to be making that trip with you. So what do we bring with us? Well really, according to the bible, only those who are found in Christ will inherit the Kingdom of God. Those who choose otherwise do not. I won’t water it down, we’re either in God’s camp or we’re not, and the alternative is an eternity separated from God. Those who have been changed by Christ and his sacrifice will tell you that the thought of being separated from God is the worst one they can possibly imagine.

So where does that leave us? Ask yourself this question, who do you know that has not heard or realized what a life lived for Christ is like? Why are you waiting to tell them about this gift? Your life is but a blink of an eye, so make what you do during this time eternal. Do not leave behind your big car or fancy house to impress others, instead reach as many people as you can because once you’re gone there is no second chance. Make your life count.

What do I want my legacy to be? I want my grandchildren to tell their children about the man who spent his short life in the service of the One who made him. I want them to say that while he was not perfect, filled with flaws and imperfections, he spent his life using the abilities that God gave him, however small, to tell others about the new life through Christ he had received.

It’s not too late to make a legacy, but someday it will be. Start today.

The Link Between Motivation and Purpose

It seems that motivation is a hard thing to come by these days. There’s lots of different people who will tell us how to get it, each telling something different than the rest. With so many opinions, how can we really know where to look?

Can motivation really be derived from something as simple as a temporary desire? Can we really look at a leader, someone who has the motivation to lead boldly, and say that the reason he or she does what they do is because they just “wanted to?” If motivation were that simple, everyone would already have it. The reason that we struggle to find motivation is that we’re not working towards anything. Leaders lead, but they always lead in a certain direction, they know where they need to go, and others follow. That’s what makes them leaders. They have purpose. Their motivation comes from their purpose. Because they know who they are, they know why they do what they do. Your motivation comes from knowing who you are, who you were designed by God to be. Small results come from temporary reason. Life changing, world shaking results come from purpose. We act in big ways because we have reason to do so. We inspire, create, succeed, and love. We do these things with more heart and more conviction than any temporary desire could ever accomplish. We are motivated because we were made to do these things, and do them well. Only one question remains: Where do we find our purpose?

Is purpose found in a great job, relationship, culture, or social group? Do you work hard so that you can level up in your job? Or so that you can succeed in a relationship? Certainly, but only temporarily. Think bigger. What is your life purpose? Are you who you should be? Probably not. I’m not. I make mistakes, I struggle with getting things done, struggle to succeed, same as the rest of us. The reason why I still have motivation is because I have a purpose. Christ has given me this purpose. He’s taken away the punishment for the sins and mistakes I have made, and provided me an opportunity to succeed. This single act is the most important thing to ever happen to me. Because my past is gone, I now have the opportunity to look forward. Without this gift, a fresh start, I would not have the ability to look forward, only behind. My purpose is found in the fact that I am no longer held back by the sin so prevalent in my life. With this burden gone God’s grace and peace work in me to provide the motivation to act. The reason I run is because I desire to finish well. The reason I act is because I want my actions to count, and not just here on earth, but eternally. Motivation is about legacy. Time is short, and we have much to do.

Matthew 28:19-

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit”

Time

Time breaks many an ambition, many a thought, feeling, idea, or purpose. The life-grabbing monster consumes whole beings and leaves them shallow and empty. Those who have stood the test of time are no longer who they were. Change is inevitable. Without time, the short blinks in eternity we call our lives mean nothing. Time drives us, and motivates us to do, before we die. We do, because we die. We remember, so that others will. We love, so that others love back. We live, so that we live on.

But time can be broken. There is more to life than living on. Only true purpose can achieve what time can’t. That is, significance. We are significant because we have purpose. We are given purpose by a God who cares deeply about us. And it’s because of this love, care, that we have a way out. God gives that way out. And he offers it without charge, without condemnation. Without shame, through faith in Him.

He not only offers a way out, he offers a way to live. One that shapes us to become more like Him. Loving, happy, at peace. This is our purpose. This is who we were made, designed to be. We are not just parts randomly put together in perfect order by “pure chance.” Our lives mean more than temporary satisfaction or petty arguments. We are called by the God who made us, to accept his purpose for our lives and live it out. It is because I have accepted this purpose that I now live, not perfectly, but in peace, knowing that I am who He designed me to be. Because of this I feel the need to tell others, and if you’re looking to find the same purpose, same love, I know the God who gives it.

Bad Influences

I’ve realized something. The people who influence my life the most are many times the ones who’ve made bad decisions. This seems contradictory to who I am but really the fact that I can look at them and know exactly how not to live my life speaks more than any person just telling me what not to do. They say sometimes you’ve gotta learn the hard way, but wouldn’t it be less painful if we learned from others mistakes instead of making our own?

The Difference Between Conviction and Condemnation

It seems these days that having conviction about something falls into the category of feeling guilty. The times in my life when I feel convicted, are usually those times I feel I should be doing more to prevent or further something. Unfortunately, many times this association of conviction and condemnation impacts my spiritual life and I often confuse God convicting me with God condemning me.

Perhaps this is rooted in my own humanity. I feel condemnation because I myself know that I am a sinner and I do sinful things. In fact, many of these sinful things aren’t just one time instances. Some I’ve struggled with for long periods of time, never fully conquering them. This inability of mine to deal with my own sin could be the reason I feel as if I have been condemned. For me, this results in a “no hope” feeling, as if nothing I can possibly do will lift this burden of sin. I feel that there is no way out.

This is where Christ steps in. He is not the one condemning me. He convicts me when I sin, that I may learn from my mistakes. As a parent wants the best for their children, and corrects them, helping them to see what they have done wrong, Christ corrects and helps me to see my sin. Better yet, Christ not only shows us the problem, he provides the solution… Himself.

Christ’s death on the cross is what lifts the burden of sin from me (and you). Because I have faith in him, he provides grace, and mercy to me. He not only helps me to see what I am doing wrong, but helps me to see what to do right. He shows me how to gain true happiness and peace. He provides forgiveness, and purpose. I pray you receive this forgiveness, and purpose, as it is without a doubt the most influential, freeing, and loving thing you will ever experience.

How to Discover God’s Calling For Your Life

In the past, I’ve struggled with questions regarding God’s calling for my life. I’ve wondered what his plans for my future were, who I would be, what I would do. I know others who ask the same questions, so I decided to write a little about my calling and how God led me to discover it.

Looking back, it becomes easier to see how God has shaped me to become who I am. The experiences He has given me define the way I see myself and others. When looking to find God’s purpose for my life, the first thing I did was to observe the gifts he has given me. I don’t mean gifts like Christmas presents, I mean spiritual gifts, abilities, attributes of my character. These gifts allow me to fulfill the purpose he has called me for. When discovering your purpose, the first step is to look for the gifts God has given you. Just as a runner is born with the ability to run well, so you are born with the ability to fulfill the purpose God has set out for you.

Something else I’ve observed: when I am living out my calling, I feel at home. A swimmer is at home swimming, an architect at home designing, and a pastor at home preaching. When you have found the purpose God has called you to live, you will feel at home. This does not mean it won’t be uncomfortable at first, but once you are living out your calling, you will know it’s what you were meant to do. Furthermore, not only will you feel at home, you will feel alive. I live for the times when I am reaching others with the hope Christ gives me, and I believe my calling in life is to do exactly that. Look for the times you feel truly alive.

Once you have found that place you feel at home, pray. Ask God to reveal the ways He plans on using your abilities to further his cause. Ask him to guide your path and help you to live out the purpose He has called you for.  Remember no matter where He puts you, God will still use you to reach others with the hope and forgiveness Christ gives freely. God has great plans for you. Jeremiah 29:11 says this: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Lastly, have the pursuit to match the passion. Once you’ve found your calling, don’t let anything stop you. Allow God to use you to accomplish his work, and know that while things will get hard sometimes, God will be with you. “…in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

God made you for a purpose. Live out your calling with the knowledge that it is who you were meant to be.

Also, an amazing resource to help you discover the gifts and abilities God has given you, and ultimately to discover His purpose for your life is Chazown. Check it out Here.